If there is one tool you absolutely need in your life, it’s going to be this one. Nearly 100% of everyone alive is desperately craving to be noticed and appreciated (statistic may not be scientifically relevant).
Unfortunately, this isn’t something that we’re taught to do. If you start practicing the steps below until you can do them unconsciously, I promise you, people will do anything to be around you.
Full presence appreciation is that powerful. I’m not kidding you, I literally moved my wife to sobbing tears by using this formula to thank her for preparing my dinner. But this isn’t just for your personal relationships, you must use this in all areas of your life. Try it with the store clerk, the waiter, the bus driver, anyone who is providing a service to you. More often than not, you’ll get an amazing smile and brighten their day.
This practice will also help you to focus more on gratitude and appreciation while paying it forward to those in your life. A truly powerful combination.
So here’s what you have to do to give Powerful Appreciation.
- Highlight the moment. – Don’t say it in passing. Get the person’s undivided attention to receive your appreciation. This can be as simple as getting their attention and looking them straight in the eyes. It can be as complicated as scheduling an appointment to share your thoughts and feelings. If you’re a woman giving appreciation to your man, you can even throw a misdirect here, and make him think you want to “Have a Talk”. The surprise of getting kudos will be exponential!
- Identify the actual thing or behavior you want to appreciate in the most words possible. If you’re a guy, you’re used to being efficient with your words, not here men. Be as descriptive as possible. It takes practice!
- Thanks for doing the dishes. vs Thank you so much for washing all of the plates and pots, especially that burnt cookie sheet.
- Thank you for the gift certificate. vs Thank you so much this gift certificate to _______. I always love enjoying a free meal. I love -name of store- so much and there’s so many things I can use this on.
- Acknowledge the thought or effort.
- I know what a pain in the ass scraping that burnt stuff off of that cookie sheet is.
- Thanks for taking the time to get/send the gift certificate for me. Thanks for knowing this is my favorite store for _______ and getting this for me.
- Assume a positive character trait that you can validate.
- It means a lot to me that you loved me so much to take care of that mess for me.
- You’re so thoughtful to think of me.
- Share the difference it made. Say what it allowed you to do instead and/or what the item allowed you to do/express/feel.
- I was dreading coming home to have to do these, and now you’ve freed me up so I can ____________. This really takes a huge load off my shoulders and it means a lot to me that you took the time to do that.
- I’ve been so stressed lately and really wanting to treat myself to something, but my budget has been so tight. I can’t wait to highlight my week with some special from _________.
- Now here’s the pro part, if you can find out the love language of the person and cater these steps to their specific love languages, you’re going to rock their world. If you’re not familiar with love languages, learn more here, because it’s FUNDAMENTALLY important to the success of your relationship.
Just to show you the difference this formula makes let’s compare the two. Let’s say you’re the one that did the dishes.
The old way: Your spouse comes home and sees that the dishes are done. They glance up at you and mutter “Thanks for doing the dishes.” That’s it.
Do you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Doesn’t exactly inspire you to do it again or feel good about it does it? Do you feel loved and appreciated? Not so much huh? Now, let’s look at the new way.
The new way: Your spouse comes home and sees that you did the sink full of dirty dishes, but you’re distracted at the moment. So they turn to you and ask, “Hey Honey, when you have a moment, can you let me know so I can tell you something? I’ll need your full attention.
So you finish what you’re doing and since your partner is awesome. They know that your love language is physical touch so they start rubbing your shoulders and neck as they whisper in your ear, “Thank you so much for washing all of the plates and pots, especially that burnt cookie sheet. I know what a pain in the ass scraping the burnt stuff off the sheet is. It means a lot to me that you loved me so much to take care of that mess for me. I was dreading coming home to have to do these, and now you’ve freed me up so I can (whatever) (bonus points here if you pay it forward for something you both like). This really takes a huge load off my shoulders and it means a lot to me that you took the time to do that. You’re an amazing girl/boyfriend/husband/wife.”
Now doesn’t that one make you feel awesome? More likely to do it again? Yep, that’s why you’re going to practice this one over and over. You can thank me later, hopefully using the formula!
Before I let you go, one important thing to remember here. Be genuine and sincere with your words always. Don’t make something up. If you don’t feel it, don’t say it. Remember, powerful men are authentic. It’s going to take practice and intentional commitment. And that’s why you’re here, to live a powerful life. Appreciation and gratitude are the most powerful forces in life.