7 Uncomfortable Truths to Master a Powerful life

I’m not going to lie. There’s a lot of debate over this list, and yet I stand by it. Firmly.

Life isn’t easy and it’s all we’ve got. We don’t have to make the best of it, but why not? It leads to happiness and feeling powerful despite the difficult things that happen in our lives.

One of the most powerful reframes in life is changing the idea that things happen TO us vs things just happen and we were there. Life isn’t personal. It’s life. We’ve got to learn to embrace it for better or worse. So here’s seven uncomfortable truths to embrace… if you wish. Take a deep breath!  Here we go…

1. 1. Life is not fair. Never was. Never will be. Every moment that you expect life to be fair is a moment you’re expending emotional energy that leads nowhere. Life is life. Good things happen. Bad things happen. A powerful man realizes what is and isn’t in his sense of control. He only uses his energy on things that he can control and influence. This is a really tough one to master because life isn’t personal. It just is. By accepting this uncomfortable truth we are able to direct your time and energy into things that are more worthwhile. Sure sometimes there’s a point in time to throw a pity party for yourself and sulk, but once you set aside a good time for that, it’s time to pull up your pants and get on with life because sometimes life just isn’t fair. Move forward or stay stuck.
      

      “There’s no use crying over spilled milk.”

   2. Nobody owes you anything. No matter what. Even if they told you… Even if you paid for it… let me say that again, Nobody owes you anything. If you can master this uncomfortable truth, you’re practically set free from all the assholes in the world. Yes, I know. At the end of the day, they do kind of owe you because of whatever reason, but that idea will cost you tons of emotional energy and frustration. This truth will allow you to focus on what really needs to be focused on. Getting the result you’re looking for. Sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on. Other times you’ll discover who to never depend on and who to write off. Other times, you’ll build a relationship forever as you prove to be understanding and firm for someone who lets you down. The point of this truth isn’t to ignore or forget when someone broke an agreement, but to let go of the emotional energy tied up in it. If someone wronged you here, by adopting the idea that “Nobody owes you anything.” You can have a more productive conversation and if not you can take the next legal steps necessary without being bent out of shape about it. In the end, you’ll either get it or you won’t. Being high and mighty and upset about it isn’t going to change anything. People will lie, cheat, and steal to get ahead. Find out who they are as quick as you can and move on.
      

      “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” -Anon

   3. “Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others. – Fyodor Dostoyevsky

      Speaking of lying, – we all voraciously lie and deceive ourselves. See, you just probably though, “Nuh uh.” Yep, you too.Me too. Our brains are brilliant at deceiving us. I mean who hasn’t done something that was bad for them. Knowingly. Who is try to convince themselves they were in love with someone. Told yourself that you could eat only one cookie. Or I can stop anytime.  It’s a sickness. We lie to ourselves over and over and continually every day. That’s why every powerful man always has a group of people that he turns to, trusted friends. Spouse. A coach. Mentor. Every powerful man knows that he needs feedback from the people around him to give him information that he can’t see for himself. That’s why it’s essential to cultivate openness to feedback and to be willing to hear difficult feedback from those you care and love the most. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone difficult information. It takes even a stronger heart and spine to receive it.

   4. You will always be underappreciated and not enough for a woman, especially a feminine woman. She will always be thinking you should be doing something more or better. One of my favorite and most hated quotes from The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida is this: A woman often seems to test her man’s capacity to remain unperturbed in his truth and purpose. She tests him to feel his freedom and depth of love, to know that he is trustable. Her tests may come in the form of complaining, challenging him, changing her mind, doubting him, distracting him, or even undermining his purpose in a subtle or not so subtle way. A man should never think his woman’s testing is going to end and his life will get easier. Rather, he should appreciate that she does these things to feel his strength, integrity, and openness. Her desire is for his deepest truth and love. As he grows, so will her testing.” – Let me tell you, as a man in a deeply passionate marriage with an amazing wife, this doesn’t change and it sucks. I wish it did, but I can wish that water wasn’t wet all day and that doesn’t change anything. This is why it’s essential to do your own personal development work so you’re not dependant on her validation.  She loves you, but not unconditionally. If she did, you’d get lazy. Besides, only your dog will love you unconditionally. – And still, at times, it’s only because you had treats.
   5. You will never internalize (feel or experience) love or validation given to you until you love and appreciate yourself. – This can be a difficult one to grasp. Basically how it works is the love and validation that you’re able to feel from those around you can only be equivalent or proportional to the amount of love or validation that you’re able to give yourself. So the problem lies in that if you don’t love yourself and if you don’t think you’re worthy if you don’t think you deserve it but it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or does for you because there’s no container inside of your heart to hold back. So what they mean is when they say if you have an open heart which means you have an infinite container to allow in the love and validation outside of you can only land in a container size equivalent to what you already are capable of inside of yourself. This is always a Catch-22. That’s why the man with the false macho bravado persona is always trying to prove himself because no matter what happens outside of himself he doesn’t believe that he’s man enough. This same insecurity drives the nice guy persona to constantly be doing things for everyone else to prove that he is deserving of love and yet he never feels it.
      

      Make Peace with the Mirror and watch your reflection change. —Anon

   6. Friends, relationships, and people will come and go. – Beloved partners, parents, siblings, one night stands, best friends, it doesn’t matter. This one is really brutal. As we journey through life will lose friends and lose relationships sometimes the breakup sometimes the death and sometimes to just life moving on. The important part is to honor your time together. Cherish the moments and the memories that you shared and created. Just because a friendship has changed doesn’t mean the memories have changed the moments the times that you’ve most cherished the laughs tears. The important here thing here is as things change it’s important to grieve and let them go. Remember that it takes two people to maintain a friendship or relationship. You can’t be the only one trying to hang on. The relationships we make are static. Their dynamic and require attention and intention.Some friendships can go years without talking and pick up right where they left off. Other friendships without maintenance over a month can and and disappear. Don’t waste your time questioning whether not something was real or not we only have experiences in the memories. Unfortunately, despite our best intentions, we only have enough room for a certain number of people to be intimately involved in our lives. It doesn’t mean we don’t care doesn’t mean we didn’t cherish the good times and it doesn’t mean we no longer love the person it just means time and space changes as we grow.
      

      “Those we love don’t go away, They walk beside us every day, Unseen, unheard, but always near, Still loved, still missed and very dear.” —Unknown.

   7. You’re merely a blip in the cosmos, that doesn’t mean you can’t be the most powerful and amazing blip ever. – At the end of the day, who really knows of anything any of this matters. The legacy we leave behind, the people we touch, The bigger impact you have the easier it is to forget that were all simply a blip on a little planet revolving around the sun in a very vast vast universe. As a civilization we’ve never been more compassionate and more advanced and more loving than we are today despite what the media tries to tell you. We’ve never been safer we’ve never been more healthy and we never been more connected than ever before in our entire history of humankind. So don’t get caught up in how small your life can be and how meaningless your small moment of time on this earth can be remember that just because you’re merely a blip it doesn’t mean you can’t be the most powerful blip there ever was in the life of one person.